Have you lost that “in love” feeling, romance, passion and pleasure in your relationship? How about your spouse?
There are powerfully effective ways to rediscover those loving feelings, and create a relationship that is not just “as good as it used to be”, but better than ever!
In my experience, love between a married couple rarely disappears. Instead, that loving feeling is just hiding…
Hiding behind feelings of anger, resentment, abandonment, loneliness, and neglect.
It’s time to bring back the love and it’s more than possible if you are willing to do the work.
Recapturing the Romance
A few changes can put you well on your journey to get the love and romance back in your marriage.
Here’s what I mean…
It could be that one or both of you is taking the other for granted.
You could be giving less attention to the person who should be the most important person in your life, than you do your neighbors or casual friends!
Remember the song You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling by the Righteous Brothers?
Don’t let your relationship end up like that. It’s just too painful and has many other ramifications and complications.
If you’re both willing, there is a very high possibility that you can fix your marriage.
Here are some techniques to get you started and help you recapture the romance, the joy and the excitement you experienced when you first fell in love.
Technique #1 – Tell Your Spouse Exactly What You Want
Talk to your partner. Acknowledge the problem and your commitment to change things.
Say you want to change your relationship and will do what it takes to achieve an intimate, fulfilling relationship.
Focus on positive goals and make sure you limit complaints.
What You Should Say:
“I feel we’ve lost that loving feeling, and I want it back!
I want our relationship to be the best, not just as good as it once was, but better than ever. I will do what it takes to restore the love in our marriage.”
What You Should Avoid Saying:
“I’m sick and tired of the way you treat me. You need to change!”
In many cases it’s helpful to be direct and ask specifically for what you want without criticizing your spouse.
Put on a friendly attitude and voice when you speak with your partner.
If you are on good terms and trust the good intentions of your spouse to repair your marriage you might try requests similar to the following:
- Will you spend 15 minutes with me after you get home from work?
- I’d like to have some alone time with you.
- Will you sit with me for ½ an hour after we put the children to bed?
- You might ask for a candlelit dinner or breakfast in bed.
- Can you arrange a moonlight walk?
Think about what your spouse wants in your relationship. If you don’t know, find out through discussion.
Be patient as you may have been told a hundred times over the years and you were not listening…
Imagine your spouse’s frustration by now!
To create clear communication between you and your spouse, you might want to try these ideas:
- Avoid criticism in your talks, so don’t say, “You never talk to me anymore.”
- Try something positive like: “Let’s sit down with a glass of wine or cup of coffee and talk about your day.”
- Don’t criticize yourself by saying things like “I must bore you.” You want to attract your spouse to rekindle love and desire, rather than chase him or her away!
Be patient as you embark on this journey to reconnect with your spouse. Marriage recovery takes commitment and diligence.
Remember, if you’re unhappy in your marriage, it did not happen overnight, and there is no “quick fix” solution.
You’ll need to put your spouse first and continue to remind yourself you are best friends. You can change your attitude, but you have to practice thinking positive thoughts about your spouse.
It takes practice and repeated self-reminders to change your attitude and behavior.
The commitment to change has to be to yourself, not to your spouse. When you change in this way, your spouse will want to treat you better, too.
Your kindnesses have to be in place for some time to get he or she to notice and for your partner to trust that your new and helpful behaviors are not temporary.
Some couples can take these suggestions and make them work without further input…
But if you feel you need more help with step-by-step ideas and practices that will deepen your emotional connection with your spouse and reignite the passion and romance that you long for…
Check out my proven Rebuild the Love program that will help you avoid divorce, recreate intimacy and recapture the love you thought was gone for good.
About the Author:
He also holds the Certificate of Professional Qualification (CPQ) in Psychology from the Association of State and Provincial Psychology Boards.
Dr. Gunzburg has authored several books for people suffering in troubled marriages and searching for marriage help, even after an extra-marital affair.
Which amazing women in your life would overjoyed to discover powerfully effective ways to rebuild their marriages?
Please help them enjoy the love they deserve by sharing this article with each of them using any of the social media and email buttons below.