You have the wisdom to know exactly what she needs to do. In fact, you’ve been in a similar situation before.
You’re eager to help, and from your perspective, the solution is perfectly clear.
There’s just one problem…she’s not listening!
Maybe she’s too distracted by her own interests to consider what you’re saying. Or maybe she’s acting like she’ll take your advice, but you know she’ll do what she wants to in the end.
Whatever the situation, you’re just not “getting through.”
You end up feeling frustrated — even angry and desperate — to have her understand your perspective.
Luckily, you can break down the barriers that keep you from authentically and effectively communicating with your friend — or anyone else, at that.
The Paradox of Influence
Have you ever tried to approach a stray cat? You can do everything in your power to show you’re not going to hurt it; but the moment you move forward, it feels threatened and runs off.
When there’s a difference of opinion or an argument, people get defensive. And the more you try to exert your influence, the more skittish they become.
The louder you shout, the less they hear you.
The truth is, no one responds well to manipulation. The moment someone feels like they’re being influenced against their will, they’ll act like a stray cat and run away (or attack!).
The Right Way to Influence Others
If you really want to make a change in your relationships, you have to remember the most important act — listening.
The single most valuable gift you can offer anyone is the gift of being heard. Listening skills make up the foundation of every good relationship.
When you listen, you create an opportunity for your loved one to let their guard down and invite the possibility of influence and empowerment.
If you’re like most women, you have a running dialog and a perpetual stream of fleeting thoughts running through your head. What you probably don’t realize is that this prevents you from really listening.
What allows you to positively influence others is compartmentalizing your own internal chatter to receive the communication of the person who’s speaking.
The Magic of Listening
Listening is more than simply registering their words. It’s listening for the nuances that reveal the emotions behind those words.
When you understand a person’s emotions, you’ve achieved the first step in “getting through” to them.
If you’re preoccupied with your own thoughts or have formed a foregone conclusion about what someone else is saying, you miss these subtleties completely.
Two important things occur when you listen to another without distractions, preconceptions, or judgments:
- You forge an intimate connection that goes directly to the intention behind the words being spoken
- You open up a space for others to imagine new possibilities and conceive a new vision for their lives. When you truly listen to someone, you can become their ally, which is an exciting and even groundbreaking development.
The next step is generating the certainty within yourself that you have what it takes to turn that vision into reality.
Through the Quantum Success Coaching Academy (which I founded in 2008), I have taught people all over the world to understand and apply the art of influence and empowerment — for themselves and for clients.
Learn more about this extraordinary, life-changing program and how can make a significant change in your life and the lives of others.
About the Author:
Christy Whitman is an in-demand life coach, transformational leader, CEO and founder of the Quantum Success Coaching Academy™.
She has helped thousands of women and men around the world achieve their goals through her empowerment seminars, speeches, coaching sessions and products.
Christy’s life-changing message reaches over 100,000 people a month and she has been seen on The Today Show, The Morning Show and The Marilyn Dennis Show in Canada.
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